2010 NZ Trip - 13

Tuesday February 23

I was up again at the unreasonably hour of 8.30, enjoying an early breakfast before motoring into Nelson on another beautifully warm, sunny day to meet cousin Kev for a free tour of my old employer, the Nelson Evening Mail, but alas, the Karamea Wildman must have received a more tempting offer from a young blond, or possibly even a young blonde, and I was left quietly sobbing on a public street corner, alone and unloved. By way of compensation, I repaired to Starbucks with my trusty netbook for some blogging, emailing and internetting, while listening to one of those charming American tourists with a foghorn voice demanding a coffee that was half this and half that, then coming back to get it remade this way and that way with a bit of something else on the side. They must have got it right though, or maybe that being an American company he thought they deserved extra points for trying, as he announced to most of Trafalgar Street that it was the first decent coffee he had been able to find since coming to Noo Zeeland. I imagine everyone else in earshot silently joined with me in thinking that he should piss off back where he came from as soon as possible to better enjoy whatever syrupy bile passes for coffee in the United States of the Centre of the Universe. Fortunately there were no Americans at the Rooftop Cafe where I had lunch, just one displaced Trans-Tasmanian who was overjoyed with his sandwiches, chicken roll, mini quiche and mini pie, but made no public comment either for or against. After lunch I drove out to Richmond where I printed out selected photos for Mum in the instant photo machine at the mall, and then went on a bit of a cross country drive. I started with the birthplace of Nelson's must famous son, Lord Rutherford, the man who split the atom, at Brightwater. Then I drove west along the inland road, stopping for photos of sweeping views of Tasman Bay from on top of the Moutere.



After a short pit stop in Upper Moutere, I cut north along Haley Road to the coast and detoured to see historic Settlers Cottage at Mahana, brilliantly restored and brought to life with period furniture, effects and mannequins.



I stopped at Tasman for more photos of the scenic coastline and I stopped again at eccentric Jester House for a chat with the eels, then had a brief look around Mapua before negotiating yet another in the seemingless endless series of roadworks on the coast road, and shot back into Richmond for a pint or three at the Sprig and Fern with Wilf Harvey, Rex Strawbridge et al, and Grasshopper's mate Clint, whom I totally failed to recognise until after he left. Undismayed, I picked up some world class fish and chips from the shop next door and headed back for a delightful dinner with Mum, watching the news on TV and settling back for another quiet night of netbooking, writing and reading. The days are running past at an alarming rate, but I am looking forward to going home as well. See you soon family! Woo woo woo, Maddie!

2010 NZ Trip - 12

Monday February 22

I was up at 8.30 this morning and had breakfast, motoring off into Nelson for a bit more of a look around and a lengthy sojourn at Starbucks on Trafalgar Street, uploading my latest blog instalment and checking my email etc on their wireless internet service. As I undertook this sophisticated, high-tech activity, I had a flat white from an American-sized porcelain bucket and looked out at the fascinating pedestrian traffic on Nelson's main drag like the 21st century tourist from the Big Smoke which I is. Then I drove back out to Richmond to meet Debbie, Nikki, Kirsty, Tyreece and Brooklyn in the Richmond Mall for lunch. We had a chat about this and that while all of us engaged in the occasion's main activity of chasing down Tyreece, as the little scamp made a bolt for freedom whenever he thought no one was looking. Each time he was duly plunked back in his chair, and occasionally imprisoned in his harness in his stroller screaming and kicking, until he swore on the scriptures and the relics of every saint in existence never to leave his seat again. Which lasted sometimes as long as two minutes before his next great escape. And people think teenagers are hard work! After lunch we went to the $2 shop (hey big spender!) and while the girls went into some girly dress shop I wheeled Tyreece off in his stroller for a ride on the revolting, sorry, REVOLVING horse thingy further up the mall.



That excitement lasted several revolutions before he spotted the games arcade nearby and he could barely wait for the ride to end before making a dash for the arcade. Tyreece had found heaven! He bolted from the toy dispensing machines (no Tyreece, banging the glass does NOT deliver a toy) to the video games to the car racer game to the pistol shooting game to the table soccer, and repeated the circuit several times at increasing pace. But all good things must come to an end, the girls arrived after their shopping break and Tyreece was returned to his stroller with even more kicking and screaming. I foolishly made arrangements to see Kirsty and her troublesome offspring again on Wednesday and made my own escape, heading back to Mum's for some Monday afternoon laziness. I read my Listener I had purchased earlier and played on my netbook, then later in the afternoon drove down Queen Street to the actual genuine men's barber with a swirly barber pole outside and a huge antique barber's chair in front of an even huger antique mirror. There were a few blokes waiting, and one of them, to my surprise, was Chris's mate Preston. We started chatting, the other blokes and the barber joined in and in no time we were like a bunch of old yokels in one of those American barbershop movie scenes, talking bloke talk and being racist, sexist and fascist in roughly equal amounts. Eventually it was my turn in the chair for my number one haircut ($10 – bargain!) and afterwards I went back to Mum's. I booked in my sauna, spa and Rejuventing Facial For Men on Thursday in Nelson and wandered up to the corner shop – resisting the seductive lure of the Sprig and Fern with admirable fortitude -- for the Nelson Evening Mail. About 20 pages worth of unmissable local news in big, friendly type. Circulation: 18,000. Then it was time for Mum's big Asian Surprise of gluggy, sweet mince, noodles and veges. Delicious! It was strawberries and ice cream again for dessert (sorry, PUDDING) and then I waddled over to the TV for the news and the quaint local current affairs program. I spent a quiet, relaxing night at home reading the Nelson Evening Mail, working on the Lousy Tale and other writing, and playing with my netbook until bedtime. I discovered an interesting fact today in my tourist brochures that I know you want me to share with you: the population of Nelson City is some 40,000 persons and the population of Tasman (ie the rest of the province, including the towns of Richmond, Motueka, Wakefield, Collingwood etc) is 44,000. How about that? A rare instance where the rural population outnumbers the urban population.

2010 NZ Trip - 11

Sunday February 21

This time next week I'll be waking up in my own little bed in Perth, but being in heaveny Nelson as what I is, I took the opportunity to sleep in before rising lethargically at 10am and having bagles for breakfast. I combed through my collected tourist information to formulate my plan of attack for the coming week and then Mum cooked a lovely big Sunday lunch (dinner, she insists on calling it) of NZ sausages, mashed potato, pumpkin, peas and cabbage, followed by heaps of creamy NZ ice cream and my superbly ripe strawberries from the Nelson markets. All this activity and food wiped her out and she was off to the couch like a shot for a nana nap, while I went for a wander around some of the nearby streets, one of Richmond's older areas with huge sections (many now subdivided) and some beautiful old period houses (see pic below). Then I meandered down Queen Street (the mall is open on Sunday – very progressive extended shopping hours) and bought a delicious iced coffee WITH EXTRA CREAM at Ambrosia Cafe, using my netbook on their wireless system to finally upload my blog. I phoned home while I walked back to Mum's (miss you guys xxx), but she was out on one of her exciting jigsaw adventures so I nipped up to the Sprig and Fern where Chris was on duty because Hannan had called in sick. All the locals are remarking on what a hot day it is (26 degrees – perfect weather for we hardened Western Australians). I had a quick pint, a chat with one of the regulars, a pommy bloke called Steve, about the burning question of the All Whites' chances in the soccer world cup (bugger all, it is generally agreed), and made it back to Mum's for frozen pizza (not frozen when we ate it, fortunately) for dinner (or tea, as she calls it). Another new epidsode of Doc Martin was on TVOne later and you can't ask for more than that. then I was off to bed with my book for another night's peaceful slumber.

2010 NZ Trip - 10

Saturday February 20

I was up surprisingly early for breakfast (cereal and toast) on a gloriously warm and sunny Nelson day, then got ready and took Mum into church by 11am. I spent an enjoyable hour and half wandering around the busy and very crowded Nelson markets that filled the Montgomery car park, with all manner of craft stalls, fruit and veg, food and the usual market tat; along with a variety of buskers and performers. I bought some handmade, organic Gouda cheese, a couple of home-baked rolls, a big punnet of really ripe strawberries, and a hat to protect my sunburnt ears (thanks, Marlborough Sounds blazing sun). I also collected my DVD from Whitcoulls, which the rather odd lady had nicely discounted 25% for my troubles. Bless her. I picked up Mum and we came home for a quality lunch including Aunty Bett's Unbelievably Tasty Tomatoes (what does she grow them in – cocaine?). I bought the Weekend Press and Weekend Mail from the corner store curry-munchers and settled back for a good relaxing read. After a bit of computing and readying my exciting, must-read blog for publication, I wandered up to (guess where?) the Sprig and Fern for a few beers with Dangerous Dan, and, as it transpired, cousin Greg and cousin Kev.

Kev, me, Dan and Greg: a long time between drinks

A few beers and a pleasant interlude of inspiring familial conversation later, Dan had reached his drive-safe limit and hit the road, along with Kev and Greg for sundry reasons, and I filled a rigger and headed down to Chris's. I grabbed a bacon double cheeseburger meal from Burger King which is dangerously positioned on the corner of Queen Street and Salisbury Road diagonally opposite Mr Satherley's fetching bachelor residence. We watched the Western Force, decimated by injury as they were, surrender disgracefully to the Hurricanes at the Cake Tin, and then I came back to Mum's having run the batteries down considerably over the last few days. A bit of a read in bed preceded another night's log-like slumber.

2010 NZ Trip - 9

Friday February 19

We were up at the crack of dawn (and 6.30 is about the time that dawn cracks on NZ Summer Time) for a quick breakfast and off in the trusty Nissan Sunny by about 7.45 (after Mum insisted on hanging out a quick load of washing). We drove through Nelson, over the Whangamoa and Rai Saddles, through Rai township, Pelorus and Canvastown, reaching Havelock bang on 9 am. We stocked up with a few sandwiches, drinks etc at the Havelock Bakery and Cafe and headed down to the Havelock marina to catch the Pelorus mail boat. There were 34 people on board for the trip (so we were told) and at 9.30 the skipper cast off and we chugged off down Pelorus sound. As we left Havelock and entered the sound proper, the back deck (where Mum and I had cunningly positioned ourselves by being the last ones on the boat) and the top deck above the main cabin became very popular, and all manner of American, Australian and English accents were heard oohing and aahing over the spectacuar blue waters, plunging bush-clad hillsides and secluded coves.



The sun obliged by breaking through early scattered clouds and the rest of the day was spent in blazing sunshine. It took two hours of pleasant sailing through Pelorus Sound, and past gorgeously appointed hillside homes and weekenders, before we made our first mail stop at Pohuenui Nature Reserve. The next couple of stops were kind of diverting but as we reached the outward extremities of Port Ligar and Forsyth Island, the gloss was fading from the whole stopping business and we were forming the opinion that four hours in the sounds was enough for anybody. The three hour journey back to Havelock along much the same route were three hours that could have been better spent elsewhere, and we were glad to get back to the Havelock Marina and motor back to Richmond as quickly as the Sunny's four cylinders and New Zealand speed limits would allow. I left Mum to it and nipped down the Sprig and Fern to pick up a rigger of Pale Ale, then headed down to Chris's. Chris's mate Preston and his wife were there already and we ordered Indian from Richmond's new and exotic Indian restaurant, which took an age to prepare -- which didn't worry Chris, Preston or me unduly as he had despatched the wife to pick it up. Lovely girl, for a North Islander. We had dinner while watching the Highlanders lose to the Blues, and then had a few more drinkies while a bio of Sean Fitzpatrick played on Rugby Channel. Finally the Crusaders v Reds came on but the Crusaders played so poorly and losing badly that I gave up early in the second half and wandered back up to Mum's. I was asleep milli-seconds after hitting the pillow.

2010 NZ Trip - 8

Thursday February 18.

I left Perth a week ago today. It doesn't seem like it. I was a bit fuzzy waking up this mornng and after a drink of water and a disprin, went back to sleep until 11. Mum had headed off for her chiropracter appointment by the time I was up so I had a shower and when she returned, took her down to the mall for lunch at the Boulevarde – not a patch on the revered Boulevarde of former times, but that's the march of progress for you. At least the food is still the classic NZ lunch (do you think there might be a theme developing here somewhere?) – which Mum insisted on paying for. I bought a couple of magazines and after a bit of drive down Swamp Road and up Wensley Road, we called in on cousin Sue Mackell. She has apparently made a good recovery from cancer and certainly looked in fine fettle. She showed me pix of the rest of the family (Trish, Lexy, Jill, Paddy and Kaye) as they have made a bit of an effort to reconvene after the demise of Uncle Alex and Aunty Ita. Kaye is the only one I would have recognised. Good to see Sue again, and her house is very impressive too, in a new (to me) estate off Bateups Road, below the Richmond cemetary. Then we came back to Mum's where I read my magazines and she headed off down to Aunty Bett's to help her with her jigsaw puzzle. Thrillseeker! At 3.30 I drove into Tahuna and picked up Kim and Jesse from her flat in Green Street. We went into the city, parked on Trafalgar Street (Nelson, let me count the ways I love thee) and visited to Whitcoulls to try and locate a copy of a DVD I wanted buy for my beloved, which the Richmond shop assured me they had in stock. The rather odd shop assistant located the DVD discs but not the cover which should have been on display, so I left my number with them and we went on to the Warehouse. I bought Jesse a new mobile, his former phone being misplaced in a moment of teenage distraction, and we returned to Tahuna's Hell Pizza for Lust and Gluttony (which, somewhat disappointingly, were the names of pizzas), and a trio of Cokes, which we consumed at Tahuna Beach.



The price of my generosity was a discussion about the future of this rare addition to the intellectual stocks of the family (Jesse, if that's a bit obscure) and while he aims to be a dancer – refreshingly different – I was assured that a university degree is the aim. We had a walk on the beach and I took them home. I dropped into the Sprig and Fern for a relaxing pint and then came back to Mum's for a coffee, a couple of Toffee Pops and more magazines. Tomorrow we are off on our big sailing adventure.

2010 NZ Trip - 7

Wednesday February 17

Mum was away early for her fortnightly pension day shopping and morning tea expedition with the Aunties. I went down the street at 10.30 but didn't manage to catch them for morning tea, so I went down to the grubby, antiquated (CRT monitors and rollerball mouse – really!) Tasman Solutions internet lounge to catch up on email and pay my credit card bill with Bpay. Then I had another delicious classic NZ lunch (oh, I love this place) while reading The Press before going back to Mum's. I read the paper, did a spot of netbooking on the porch but before I could put up a decent fight the eyelids were weighing unreasonable amounts and I headed for the guest bedroom for forty or fifty winks. Mum was home when I awoke and then Dangerous Dan turned up and we headed down to the S&F for a couple of pints with the local ratbags. I went back to Mum's for a stir-fry dinner then back to the bar for their music night. It was a bit slow to start while I had beer with Chris and a bit of a chat but things picked up, the crowd grew a bit more lively and then lo and behold who should turn up but Carrol Roberts nee Warren, looking every inch the lovely young Richmond lass of days of yore, and her delightful young friend Anita, and we all had a bit of a reminisce and a laugh about the good old days. When we were young. The good old days are annoying like that. Eventually Chris closed up and I staggered back to Mum's. Good shit, as the poets say.

Me, Carrol, Chris and Anita

2010 NZ Trip - 6

Tuesday February 16

Another snoozy morning sleep in was followed by a quick breakfast and escape before Mum's exciting SDA bible group arrived for their regular Tuesday morning naughty revels. I shot down the mall to try to get a broadband modem for the netbook, but no go. Then on into Nelson for a leisurely day strolling Hardy, Trafalgar and Bridge Streets and enjoying all the sights and retail temptations thereof.

Nelson Cathedral, at the top end of Trafalgar Street

I bought some secret presents for the girls and Amanda, and enjoyed (REALLY enjoyed) a traditional NZ lunch at my favourite Rooftop Cafe. It was 4pm before I could tear myself away. From wandering, that is, not lunch. I drove back to Richmond to book our launch trip on Friday, and a quick pint at the Sprig and Fern with Wilf Harvey and Rex Strawbridge. Very nice, even including a lengthy discussions over pensions and superannuation systems. They invited me back on Thursday and/or Friday for another of their sessions. Then I went home with the Nelson Evening Mail, still a riveting read, and a bag of chippies, and read the paper before having a shave and a shower and taking Mum down to the Stables for dinner with Debbie and Colin. The meal was OK although the plate could have been hotter, but the Church Road Hawkes Bay cabernet merlot was very good. Nobody wanted dessert, I shouted the meal, and we came back to Mum's for coffee and tea, although not both at once. I stayed up quite late reading and playing on my netbook.

Mum outside The Stables

2010 NZ Trip - 5

Monday February 15

My attempt to get up earlier met with only partial success and after breakfast I went for another stroll down the town with Mum, left her and her trolley to do shopping, and went on tour of the old village.

Mum heads off down the main drag with her trusty trolley

I brought a couple more old rugby books from the second hand book store, a couple of videos and a newspaper from Whitcoulls, and came home for lunch (chicken and salad) at 1. Then I went for a drive down to the tourist kiosk where I loaded up on maps and tourist info, before driving off up Gladstone Rd, Bateups Rd, Paton Rd, Hill St, Whites Rd etc around the foot hills for good views of Richmond and the Waimea Plain. I had a brief coffee and snack at the Village Cafe and came home to formulate my touristy plans. Mum expressed a keen interest in a launch tour of the Marlborough Sounds so that could be well on the cards. I nipped up to the Sprig and Fern for a pint at 5 and a chat with Tony Satherley, then had to go down to the Rendezvous for fish and chips because the Queen Street F&C was closed on a Monday. The Rendezvous is run by Asians, and my experience of Asians and fish and chips has not been happy, so it was a pleasant surprise to get my fish, NZ hot dog and chips home and find they were reasonably good. A nice little dinner while watching the news and weather, followed by a relaxing evening reading and listening to the clock tick, and also tock. I can feel the muscles relaxing more with every one of them. Unfortunately the muscles holding the eyes open are similarly affected and staying awake becomes something of a problem.

2010 NZ Trip - 4

Sunday February 14

After a slow start to the day, but not too bad, and toast for breakfast, I went for a brief stroll to the corner shop and got a Sunday paper and some toffee pops. Mum cooked corned beef and mustard sauce for lunch (mega yum), which we had with Aunty Doris, long-lost cousin Greg and Dan. Delicious.

Aunty Doris, Greg, Mum and Dan

We lads went out on the porch for our first chat in 30 years while the old ducks did the dishes, bless them. Greg is driving trucks after years of various adventures around exotic places like South America. Weird seeing him after so long. He has sexy haircut like mine, lucky dog. They went off on their bikes (go Aunty Doris!) mid-afternoon, Dan hit the high road and I phoned home for my Valentine's Day message to my beloved, having already arranged a card and flowers with my trusty conspirator, Matilda. All seems to be well and Maddie the Spaniel is even getting extra walks! Around 5 Mum (aka Grand-Nan) and I headed into Stoke for a barbecue dinner with little sister Debbie (Nana – bet that makes her feel young), and Colin; and my nieces and nephew, Kim, Jamie, Nikki and Kirsty.

Nieces are nice: Nikki, Kim and Kirsty

And of course Kim's son Jesse, 13, who looks like he should be in a boy band; and Kirsty's three -- Kaydence, 5, cute as a button (a fast forward button at that), Tyreece, a future prop forward if ever I saw one, and baby Brooklyn who is one and crawling like a blonde-haired, blue-eyed Michelin maid.

After dinner we watched digital photos on the mega wide screen TV, while Kaydence climbed all over me. Unused as we are to the ways of small children, it was not altogether a shattering experience to drag ourselves away and we came home at 8 or so. More treats lay in store when I discovered that a new series of Doc Martin was playing on TVOne, followed by a remake of Reggie Perrin starring Martin Clunes that I hadn't even heard about. Of such simple pleasures are great holidays made. I made it to bed at 10.30 for a bit of a read and a very sound sleep.

Four generations: Mum, Kirsty, Debbie and young Kaydence.

2010 NZ Trip - 3

Saturday February 13

I woke up late, had toast for breakfast and enjoyed a bit of rain falling. Mum didn't go to church on account of the noisy happy clappy band those exotic Sevvies have these days, so I went for a walk down Queen Street to see what was happening in the old town. Lots, as it turned out. The place was fairly buzzing with Saturday morning shopping and I soaked up the mixture of familiar old sights and the many, many changes that occur every time I come back. I had a good wander around the mall and brought the mandatory copies of The Listener, the Weekend Press, a couple of postcards and a calendar, by which time it was noon and I returned to Mum's place for lunch. I called home to assure them I was still alive and well and then wandered up to the Sprig and Fern for a Pale Ale with Ivor and Chris and Dangerous Dan, the brother they couldn't lock up.

Chris, Dan and Ivor

Chris, Ivor and I went back to Chris's for a blissful night of watching rugby (Crusaders v Highlanders, Reds v Waratahs), eating pizza and talking shit. It doesn't get any better than that. I staggered home at 11.30pm, drank a litre of water and collapsed into bed.

2010 NZ Trip - 2

Friday February 12

We landed a little early in Auckland at 5am (midnight my time) and I shot through customs with barely a glance from the friendly NZ officials. I wheeled my case the 1km from the Auckland international to the Auckland domestic aiport by following the blue and white lines (where were the scarecrow and tin man when I needed them?) in the pre-dawn darkness and after a squashy microwaved ham and cheese croissant, onto the tarmac to climb into the little Fokker tubro-prop to Nelson. We were off at 7am in the early light and miracle of miracles I slept most of the one hour flight to Nelson, landing at that familiar old airport at 8am. Mason the friendly hire car man got off to a bad start by being late to pick me up but extra friendliness earned him brownie points and I was finally driving out to Richmond at about 9.30 for breakfast with Mum. We went down the street for a spot of shopping at the Richmond Mall and had chicken and salad for lunch. Mum showed me the funeral notice for Owen Dunn and I duly made contact with Chris Satherley, and we went out to St Peter and Paul's Catholic church at Waimea West for the service. It's like I had seen Chris days ago, not years ago. Great to see him again. Ivor seemed extremely glad to see me and after the interment in the very charming churchyard, we went back to the new Dunn residence on the inlet for the wake. I had a good chat to Ivor and several old Waimea Intermediate teachers such as Gary Askew and John Goodman. Barbara Dunn was there looking very slim and elegant, and her daughters Tess and Claudia, teenagers now God help us. Peter Dunn, on the other hand, looked like the eldest son, not the youngest. I brought Chris back home and went back to Mum's, where I had a bit of a snooze after lunch to catch up on some of the missing sleep. I woke up for delicious NZ sausages for dinner but I didn't last long and was back in bed by 6pm. But being a bit chronologically confused, I woke up again at 10pm and had to read for a couple of hours before going back to sleep.

2010 NZ Trip - 1

Thursday 11 February

Matilda drove me to the airport at 3. I put my suitcase in, received my boarding pass and had a coffee at Dome. We boarded at 5 and took off on time at 5.50pm on Air New Zealand flight NZ176. I watched the NZ-France November test on the seat-back screen and had a fairly reasonable chicken-pasta dinner along with small glass of NZ sauv blanc, sitting next to what appeared to Gimli the Dwarf. The over-the-counter sleeping pill proved to be largely ineffective and I was able to grab only bits of sleep here and there on a mostly smooth flight punctuated by a few periods of mild turbulence.